Forgive me! - Sinless to Sinner, Part I.

A bloody bastard.

My confession; my plea

I require forgiveness, for the beast has been unleashed, predatorily, on its innocent prey.

[...]

Preliminary contemplations

A broken-hearted one walks the shallow waters with an astronomically inflated ego. Oh, spectacularly superior, immensely impeccable, imperially important, crucially crushing, astonishingly gifted—there, there was this man, the standalone individual. Dare guess who?

Life is a precious jewel; but whenever you face it, it crumbles down. Here is the life-lodge key: "do not face it!" That is my foremost command, that one shall not face it. Alas, for who in their right mind dares facing life. Bravery is not facing the odds, the brim odds of life, the possible pinch of worthwhile living; no, bravery is precisely the reverse, unfacing life.

...But neither do I fancy death, whatsoever. For comparatively death is the poison while life is the syringe. Am I supposed to confess my allegiance to cynicism and nihilism? GOD, my time must be ticking! I can fondly taste the very last drop of it; my hourglass of life is filled with ashes, bruises, embarrassment, piss-tasting wine, and crucially, I have not shed a single drop of my precious blood. (Now, may the blood-hounds be called, the demons and guardians of all 9 levels of hell—my sins must be avenged!!)

My utmost task, my plea, for you fellow sinners: join my honorable journey, take my guidance, sing my stories, take my breath; my prolonged duty on Earth is completed (in an utterly deviated sense).

Yet, heavens above; Father be with me as I falter, as I walk my very last task; guide me through it, bear my pain, and convince my utterance and my consciousness that this is the righteous path. You demand uncompromisingly and what you demand—this task of heavenly beauty—insurmountable.

And I contend, I contend: unfacing life does not entail suicide or self-sacrife, selfsame it does not even demand a contemplation of such brutality. Thus, in this obscure juxtaposition, seemingly, to unface means neither yes nor no; there is no double entendre, no existential either/or, but rather, to unface is simply nothing at all. I shall not even bother to entertain life, that is, show my face for it—yet, one would easily misstake this to be a sign of resignation, "cowards" I shout, this is precisely the utmost bravery: to endager ones very existence, to say no to contemporary society, to say yes to bravery; to say yes to contemporary society (insofar as it is nothing), to say no to bravery (insofar as it is facing life), and thus your life-form is the potentiated one, the holy one, the one with God, the first cause, the primitivest of all beings: that is nothing.

My brothers, my friends, what have I done with the superego, the supersensible, the almighty, the gloriest of all bastards, Aye Ego? My simple, yet evermore sophisticated answer: heavens knows... (Matthew 24:36) -I have been enlightened, my glorious presence reversed, and now I know: there is no Messiah, not on Earth, Mars, this same-same universe, or another, not even within myself. I am simplicity in His omnipotent presence.

The task

that I've yet to discover...

Aye Ego

'till tomorrow, one patiently has to wait for part 2.